Its so nice to get someone elses perspective...especially when your emotions are so caught up in something.
When my oldest child was about 4, she started having these horrible pains. Scared the crap out of me!! She would wake in the middle of the night, screaming in agony. Her legs would ache so bad, she could only weep. And I wept. And feared for my child. I called her doctor up in complete panic after about a week of this. They heard the panic in my voice, and said 'calm down Ms., bring her in today' and I did.
I rushed in that day to beg this woman to help my child...(Moms might over react when it comes to their kids, we're lioness' in that way) She did all these tests then came back to me and said 'it's growing pains...massage her legs and it will pass'.
WHAT!?! Wait, what?...
You see, growth hurts! It actually, physically hurts! Nothing was wrong with my child, she wasn't diseased or harmed. She was developing. And stretching your mind, your body, your being...can be painful. Even when you 'think' you're already grown...you got more room to improve. And guess what? That shit might hurt, it does hurt, I'm telling that from experience. But its worth it! To be better, to live, love, grow.
The truth in actually caring about someone (kids, family, friends, spouse) is loving them in a way that they can be free. Loving them in a way that their needs are being met. Nothing wrong with that. It doesn't mean losing yourself. Its just growth. If you are incapable of loving someone in a way they can flourish, you've lost your own ability to expand. Love is infinite. However, once you stop sharing it, it ceases.
Anyway...that was my release, my confession, my relief. Loving someone means letting them grow. Loving yourself means dealing with the possibility of pain!