Saturday, October 30, 2010

Go li s di yi

Go li s di yi.  Understanding.  Understanding is clarity, comprehension.  I used to think you had to agree with something to understand it...i.e. hate, war, rape, child abuse, savagery, etc.  Since my mind doesn't naturally go to hate, I never thought I could understand the concept, however, just because I find the concept disagreeable and would choose apathy over it, doesn't mean I can't understand it.  I can understand love, and hate is simply the other polarity.  And that goes with any of the more savage sides of humanity, they are simply the opposite polarities of what we (I) find righteous.  Understanding is being able to look at both polarities, disagreeable or not, and seeing them for what they are...polarities. 

Now, as far as myself, as I said above, because I find the savage side disagreeable, I will choose apathy over hate...anyone who can get a rise from me are people that I love deeply and profoundly.  When an attempt is made to chain or cage my freedom, I fight in a way that most people can't understand because they do what THEY do out of hate, I operate on love.  And I do not allow anyone else's hate to permeate my walls, nor do I allow them to 'guilt' or 'shame' me into submission.  If I can't fight my way, I remain apathetic... 

There are times in life when we ride that middle line so well we seem overly balanced, times when some lose understanding because they can't quite see the two poles off in the distance.  We become numb.  That can be the antithesis of apathy.  So swelled with emotion that we refuse to feel.  And we lose ourselves in a struggle for the only true thing that is sacred.  Our self.   I understand that struggle too, I've been there.  I fought with myself, gave up on myself, didn't love myself...then I woke up, and started to fight FOR myself.  Which is why I refuse to fight anyone else...for ME...


1 comment: