Feeling a certain way, I might cry
Remember the night the earth cried?
Too much love is non existent
No more than understanding is limited
It was never our fault, I blame my father
What these broken men do to our daughters
And brothers and sisters and friends
I'm not so sure it has an end
Could be like Islam and go on forever
From never, and never doesn't exist
Except to fulfill some human need for a mystery
While on your knees, begging forgiveness for your obscenities
If love was enough, we'd all make it out
But there's too many lies, mirages and self doubt
Educations focus on war instead of science
Lost an ear, a child and my mind to the violence
I was asked for resources in regards to the pan indigenous cultures in the wilderness of N.America, so following is a list of books that you could check out.
Also, you can visit these sites:
I had some time alone today and absolutely NOTHING to do (shocking right?) so I meditated on my back deck after drinking one of my juices, realizing that we heal ourselves...so, I got my behind up, collected some stones and built a medicine wheel in my yard. Y'all can take the best part, yet this has been done for too long to document, and has benefits to me. Medicine wheels are different for different people, they can be constructed with many numbers of stones...I use the 36 stone method because it's what my papi taught me and I'm comfortable with it. There is something about focus and determination that calms my spirit, the universe is a beautiful place and I use this also as a model of that. At any rate, the method I use is as follows, let me know if you try it and if you got anything positive from it or were just lugging rocks around ;)
1. The Center Stone is the 'Many worlds' stone that contains the essential person - the deepest inner soul. Some post-European descriptions of this stone refer to it as 'The Creator' stone, a concept born out of the notion of a Supreme Being which was imposed by Christianity on the belief systems of many First Nations. I do not build mine in a way that aligns with the imposition of Christianity. This stone can also be called the Cosmos or Universe Stone.
2-5. Four Directions Stones: East (Teacher), South (Healer), West (Visionary), North (Warrior).
6-12. Seven stones surround the Centre stone, and stand for: Father Sky, Mother Earth, Grandmother Moon, Grandfather Sun, Star Nation, Other Worlds (Planets), Wolf Road (Milky Way).
Two stones are placed between each Direction on the outer perimeter of the circle which will compose 13-20.
13-14. Northeast: Earth Crawlers, Flying Beings
15-16. Southeast: Rooted Beings, Earth Walkers (4 leggeds)
17-18. Southwest: Ancestors, Stone Beings
19-20. Northwest: Rainbow Spirits, Water Beings
Four stones between each direction and the Universe stone, with the "Element" stone closest to the Direction stone compose 21-36.
21-24. East: Air, Illumination, Wisdom, Clarity
25-28. South: Earth, Spirit, Trust, Love, Growth
29-32. West: Fire, Emotions, Dreams, Experience, Introspection
33-36. North: Water, Body, Physical Cleansing, Purity, Renewal
So...while I was watching my children jump up and down along the beach today, sometimes giggling with glee, sometimes staring curiously at some creature and sometimes, of course, pinching or kicking eachother(lol)... I was thinking about mathematics and how we know what we can and can not affect, what changes we can make to ensure homeostasis and what we need to stand our ground on with all that we are to ensure equilibrium. My thoughts went to this particular legend that my papi always said was important...only we know our true power and the limits of our abilities. Sometimes, as a parent I have to make choices about whether to let them fight it out or try to enforce a code of peace...today, I chose to let them both know that they alone control their experience and that the wolf they feed will win. They kissed and made up. Okay, they didn't kiss...they just decided that I was the enemy and that crab running by was really neat. Lol. At any rate, the legend is as follows:
An old Grandfather said to his grandson, who came to him with anger at a friend who had done him an injustice, "Let me tell you a story.
I too, at times, have felt a great hate for those that have taken so much, with no sorrow for what they do.
But hate wears you down, and does not hurt your enemy. It is like taking poison and wishing your enemy would die. I have struggled with these feelings many times." He continued, "It is as if there are two wolves inside me. One is good and does no harm. He lives in harmony with all around him, and does not take offense when no offense was intended. He will only fight when it is right to do so, and in the right way.
But the other wolf, ah! He is full of anger. The littlest thing will set him into a fit of temper. He fights everyone, all the time, for no reason. He cannot think because his anger and hate are so great. It is helpless anger,for his anger will change nothing.
Sometimes, it is hard to live with these two wolves inside me, for both of them try to dominate my spirit."
The boy looked intently into his Grandfather's eyes and asked, "Which one wins, Grandfather?"
The Grandfather smiled and quietly said, "The one I feed."
This myth is Cherokee in origin, however amongst the pan indigenous nations, there exist many such myths...there similarities are often identical and the lesson is valuable. Enjoy.
There was once a group of friends -7 boys- who always played together. In fact, they did everything together; often losing track of time and not reporting home for dinner as their mothers had instructed.
One day, the boys were out playing one of their favorite games, which involved rolling a wheel along the ground with a stick. Each boy did better than the one before him and, before long, they had spent hours laughing, playing, and teasing one another.
"Oh, no!" cried one young brave, as he glanced at the sun beginning to set in the sky. "We are late again. We must hurry and go now."
Although clearly no one was ready to go home, they gathered their things and shuffled off toward the village. They were greeted at the edge of the village by all seven of their mothers who were clearly angry that they had, once again, broken the rules.
"Will you never learn?" questioned one mother. "Will you never show us respect?" questioned another. "The answer is clear," said a third. "Since you cannot come home in time for dinner, then you will have to make your own," the third mother announced. "Here, use these stones for corn to make your soup."
The boys were angry at being scolded and even angrier that their mothers dared to offer them nothing to eat but stone soup. "What did we do that was so wrong?" questioned young brave.
"If our mothers don't love us, I say we go away and bother them no more," announced another. The other boys agreed and, together, all headed away from their village to the nearby hills where they always played.
Once there, they began to dance and chant. "Spirits of our people, take us into the sky so blue. Our mothers no longer want us and we wish to be with you."
Over and over they danced and chanted their rhyme. For hours they continued without once halting.
Back in the village, one of the mothers decided that she should check to see in which friend's home her son was hiding. However, as she traveled from home to home to find that none of the boys could be found, she began to worry that something was wrong.
The seven mothers gathered together and headed toward the hills where their sons played. As they grew closer, they saw the boys dancing and singing their chant.
"Look!" cried one mother in abject fear. "They are dancing off of the ground. We must hurry or they will be gone forever."
As the mothers grew closer, their fear and panic took hold. They realized that they might not be able to reach their sons, who now danced above their heads.
Each jumped and tried to grab her son, but only one was able to reach hers. Grabbing hold and yanking as hard as she could, the mother pulled her son to the ground so hard that he hit the earth with a thud, forming a hole into which he fell with the earth enclosing around him.
As she fell to her knees in tears, she looked to see the other six boys had now danced into the clouds and could no longer be seen. In what seemed like mere seconds, all seven mothers had lost their most prized possessions.
It is said that the seven mothers never again laughed or smiled, since in a single moment they had lost that which brought them the most joy. Each day they returned to the place where they lost their sons. While six of them looked toward the skies in prayer, the seventh fell to the earth, soaking it with her tears of grief.
Day after day; week after week; month after month they continued their trek. One day, the six mothers noticed stars had formed exactly where they last saw their sons. They are called the Pleiades. On the site where her son fell to the ground, the seventh mother noticed a tiny pine tree had begun to grow.
That, they say, is why the pine tree has always been one of the most sacred trees to the Cherokee people. It is also why they look to the Pleiades to pray. It is a reminder that life can change in an instant; bringing you untold joy or immeasurable grief.
the legend is whispered
in the women's tent
how the moon when she rises
follows some men into themselves
and changes them there
the season is short
but dreadful shapeshifters
they wear strange hands
they walk through the houses
at night their daughters
do not know them
who is there to protect her
from the hands of the father
not the windows which see and
say nothing not the moon
that awful eye not the woman
she will become with her
scarred tongue who who who the owl
laments into the evening who
will protect her this prettylittlegirl
if the little girl lies
shapeshifter may not
the full moon may not
find him here
the hair on him
the poem at the end of the world
is the poem the little girl breathes
into her pillow the one
she cannot tell the one
there is no one to hear this poem
is a political poem is a war poem is a
universal poem but is not about
these things this poem
is about one human heart this poem
is the poem at the end of the world
Lord she's gone done left me done packed / up and split
and I with no way to make her
come back and everywhere the world is bare
bright bone white crystal sand glistens
dope death dead dying and jiving drove
her away made her take her laughter and her smiles
and her softness and her midnight sighs--
Fuck Coltrane and music and clouds drifting in the sky
fuck the sea and trees and the sky and birds
and alligators and all the animals that roam the earth
fuck marx and mao fuck fidel and nkrumah and
democracy and communism fuck smack and pot
and red ripe tomatoes fuck joseph fuck mary fuck
god jesus and all the disciples fuck fanon nixon
and malcom fuck the revolution fuck freedom fuck
the whole muthafucking thing
all i want now is my woman back
so my soul can sing
Harriet Tubman didn't take no stuff
Wasn't scared of nothing neither
Didn't come in this world to be no slave
And wasn't going to stay one either
"Farewell!" she sang to her friends one night
She was mighty sad to leave 'em
But she ran away that dark, hot night
Ran looking for her freedom
She ran to the woods and she ran through the woods
With the slave catchers right behind her
And she kept on going till she got to the North
Where those mean men couldn't find her
Nineteen times she went back South
To get three hundred others
She ran for her freedom nineteen times
To save Black sisters and brothers
Harriet Tubman didn't take no stuff
Wasn't scared of nothing neither
Didn't come in this world to be no slave
And didn't stay one either
Lift ev'ry voice and sing,
Till earth and heaven ring,
Ring with the harmonies of Liberty;
Let our rejoicing rise
High as the list'ning skies,
Let it resound loud as the rolling sea.
Sing a song full of the faith that the dark past has taught us,
Sing a song full of the hope that the present has brought us;
Facing the rising sun of our new day begun,
Let us march on till victory is won.
Stony the road we trod,
Bitter the chast'ning rod,
Felt in the days when hope unborn had died;
Yet with a steady beat,
Have not our weary feet
Come to the place for which our fathers sighed?
We have come over a way that with tears has been watered.
We have come, treading our path through the blood of the slaughtered,
Out from the gloomy past,
Till now we stand at last
Where the white gleam of our bright star is cast.
God of our weary years,
God of our silent tears,
Thou who hast brought us thus far on the way;
Thou who hast by Thy might,
Led us into the light,
Keep us forever in the path, we pray.
Lest our feet stray from the places, our God, where we met Thee,
Lest our hearts, drunk with the wine of the world, we forget Thee;
Shadowed beneath Thy hand,
May we forever stand,
True to our God,
True to our native land.
Those four black girls blown up
in that Alabama church
remind me of five hundred
middle passage blacks,
in a net, under water
in Charleston harbor
so redcoats wouldn't find them.
Can't find what you can't see
Your door is shut against my tightened face,
And I am sharp as steel with discontent;
But I possess the courage and the grace
To bear my anger proudly and unbent.
The pavement slabs burn loose beneath my feet,
A chafing savage, down the decent street;
And passion rends my vitals as I pass,
Where boldly shines your shuttered door of glass.
Oh, I must search for wisdom every hour,
Deep in my wrathful bosom sore and raw,
And find in it the superhuman power
To hold me to the letter of your law!
Oh, I must keep my heart inviolate
Against the potent poison of your hate.
I know what the caged bird feels, alas!
When the sun is bright on the upland slopes;
When the wind stirs soft through the springing grass,
And the river flows like a stream of glass;
When the first bird sings and the first bud opes,
And the faint perfume from its chalice steals—
I know what the caged bird feels!
I know why the caged bird beats its wing
Till its blood is red on the cruel bars;
For he must fly back to his perch and cling
When he fain would be on the bough a-swing;
And a pain still throbs in the old, old scars
And they pulse again with a keener sting—
I know why he beats his wing!
I know why the caged bird sings, ah me,
When his wing is bruised and his bosom sore,—
When he beats his bars and he would be free;
It is not a carol of joy or glee,
But a prayer that he sends from his heart's deep core,
But a plea, that upward to Heaven he flings—
I know why the caged bird sings!
The hills my brothers & I created
Never balanced, & it took years
To discover how the world worked.
We could look at a tree of blackbirds
& tell you how many were there,
But with the scrap dealer
Our math was always off.
Weeks of lifting & grunting
Never added up to much,
But we couldn't stop
Believing in iron.
Abandoned trucks & cars
Were held to the ground
By thick, nostalgic fingers of vines
Strong as a dozen sharecroppers.
We'd return with our wheelbarrow
Groaning under a new load,
Yet tiger lilies lived better
In their languid, August domain.
Among paper & Coke bottles
Foundry smoke erased sunsets,
& we couldn't believe iron
Left men bent so close to the earth
As if the ore under their breath
Weighed down the gray sky.
Sometimes I dreamt how our hills
Washed into a sea of metal,
How it all became an anchor
For a warship or bomber
Out over trees with blooms
Too red to look at.
You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I'll rise.
Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.
Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I'll rise.
Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops,
Weakened by my soulful cries?
Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don't you take it awful hard
'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines
Diggin' in my own backyard.
You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I'll rise.
Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I've got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?
Out of the huts of history's shame
Up from a past that's rooted in pain
I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
So...a girlfriend of mine did the perfect imperfections video like a lifetime ago and wanted me to join in...I don't do videos but, I've kept my word Khalia! I listed a bunch of random info that could possibly entertain some folks. Lol.
The stairs in my kitchen creep me out, every time I walk down them, I think I will fall...I have never fell down them
The only days I attended school were when I had games/pep rally's/practice for either cheer leading, dance or track...I still kept straight a's
I always wanted brown eyes
I don't like chocolate, cloves or cilantro...sometimes even the smell of those things sickens me
I have the most perfect ears I have ever seen
I've never attempted anything that I was unable to eventually learn. It has taken a mighty long time for a few things though.
My daughter thinks I'm crazy, she says that I have to be clean ALL the time. She's right.
There's only one person that I talk to every single day no matter what, other than my babies
My siblings are fuck ups. I love them anyway.
I have a genius IQ and it's absolutely useless. Sometimes I forget how to tie my shoes or where I'm going.
I have a LOT of shoes. My dream man would build me a closet big enough to house them all neatly. And an enormous bathroom. And a chefs kitchen while he's at it. Shouldn't be too hard to find a man like that huh?
I enjoy cleaning. Like, really enjoy it. I also enjoy doing laundry and cooking for my family. It makes me feel good.
I have more books than shoes. I have so many books, I really don't have room for them. We have a bond, my books and I, it's hard to let them go. I've read all of them, at least once
I grind my teeth so bad in my sleep, that when I wake up, my jaw is stuck
When I'm dealing with emotional stuff...I cut my hair
Really long fingernails gross me out
My papi ran over my right knee when I was making mudpies in the driveway when I was little. That leg is slightly shorter.
The man that I call 'papi' was actually my uncle, he raised me until he passed when I was 10 and I loved him with every ounce of my being. I still do. I miss him every day. I've only loved one person other than my children like that.
I sleep with a pillow & blanket over my head...and I still can't stand for a foot or arm to be hanging off the bed. Lol.
Sometimes, I get into moods where I don't want to talk to anyone for days. Or hear them talk. I just want silence & space to breathe.
I get emotional when I'm tired, hungry or over stimulated. Both of my children are the same.
My children are the most amazing people I've known. They make me want to be a better person.
I like myself a lot more at 31 than I did at 21
Men that know how to spell are hot, men that are intelligent are hot, men that behave like MEN are divine...at least in my opinion
I have a serious phobia of holes or repetitive patterns. I don't know why but they make my skin crawl.
I love cherries, mango, avocados, jalapeños & pineapple. I could live off of these.
I smell good. Always.
I twirl my hair a lot...I've realized that no matter how intelligent the words are that are coming out of my mouth, I look really dumb when I do this. I do it anyway. It isn't purposely but I'd rather people think I'm dumb and be surprised.
I'm always cold
I don't care for limitations, rules or anything that hinders freedom
I do not like for anyone to touch my face or my wrists
I have a beautiful mind, and great legs too
I love hard and I'm hard to love
There were a few times in my life that I felt completely broken...I wasn't.
I play multiple instruments
I sing in the shower VERY loudly, I also sing and dance while I'm getting ready...actually, I sing all the time. Badly.
I don't like driving
I can't see well in the dark
I remember everything...even when I don't want to
I love myself & like who I am
I love my children most, everyone else is secondary