Sunday, June 30, 2013

Clear views...random thoughts...

I have so many things on my mind evil is manufactured and propagated...Regina Kelly, if you aren't familiar with her story, check the film 'American Violet' or research could one of my sisters be so detached from her own self that she is uncomfortable and apprehensive amongst her own people...self hate is an ugly thing...damn, that's a powerful tool though, do so called 'civil rights activists' defend racism in any much must you hate yourself to defend your enemy with your life and turn your back on your brother...why do people put more value in hate than love, don't they know loves worth & power...why aren't local artists appreciated, they are so talented...why isn't art appreciated period, beauty is subjective, yet it's not that hard to recognize...that sister made me cry with her gift, she doesn't know how beautiful her gesture was or how it touched my heart...quran by heart, a lovely documentary, I see the commitment and endurance, you may find something else...freedom isn't doing what ever you want, it's about order and love and mostly, peace...starting a juice fast tomorrow was not my idea, but my sister asked me to unite with her, so of course, I will...I would give most people the shirt off my back, literally, they don't even have to ask, it's just what I feel is right...he can no longer reach out and touch me from the past, I have removed his hands, taken the devil off my planet and allowed myself the opportunity to heal from the sins of the father...I am so thankful for those that helped me get there...I worry about him, yet I know he is always ok...he says I worry too much...I realized that someone I considered so close to my heart for so long was nowhere near. Ever. It was an illusion and its little brother would be 23, he had the same eyes as me, the eyes of our son has those eyes, yet his carry the kindness absent in the ancestor...she is my inspiration...they are my reason...

Some links of interest:

Friday, June 28, 2013


Why does someone who I have not seen or heard from in years, decades even, affect me so profoundly?

Why must a surge of rage and depression invade my mind at the slightest remembrance?

Why do I fear, not him, but that I will become him?

Why do I have to see him in my eyes, my smile, my hands?

Why do I tremble from head to toe at just the thought of him?

Why am I unable to let go, forgive, move on?

Why do I even want to?

Why did he do it?

Why do I look?